Brain Surgeons Face Lawsuit Over McCain Conscience

By Joe Schaefer

PHOENIX, AZ — Doctors at the Mayo Clinic Hospital are being sued for malpractice after it was discovered that a conscience had been mistakenly left inside the brain of Arizona Sen. John McCain during surgery on July 14th to remove cancerous tissue.

McCain told family members that he began to feel a queasy sense of remorse last Tuesday following a vote to advance the repeal of the Affordable Care Act, and the spiritual discomfort continued to grow until late Friday when the Senator found himself unable to perform even the most basic amoral activities.

After returning to the hospital Saturday, x-rays revealed the foreign righteous intuition lodged in McCain’s prefrontal cortex.

Dr. Herbert Langer, chief of neurosurgery, explained that the presence of an inner voice can affect decision making, fine moral functions, and if untreated, could result in permanent scruples.

“How negligent do you have to be to just miss that sitting in there,” asked Majority Leader Mitch McConnell. “It’s glaringly obvious such a thing does not belong in a Republican senator’s head.”