Philanthropist Donates to Gym He Never Uses

By Gus Tate.

TAMPA, FL—Expressing gratitude at a press conference held Monday afternoon, representatives from Crunch Fitness publicly thanked Hillsborough resident Kevin Slatterly, 36, for his loyal monthly donations of $29.99 despite never using any of the gym facilities himself.

“We’re just so touched that Kevin chooses to financially support the local community in this way,” said assistant manager Tori Sanchez. “We haven’t seen much of him since he signed his contract in January, but clearly this is someone with a strong commitment to physical fitness.”

Although Crunch executives say the reclusive philanthropist is diligent in his selfless abstinence from exercise, one employee reports that on rare occasions Slattery can be seen entering the gym dressed in loose-fitting basketball shorts, briefly surveying the treadmill and weight-lifting areas, and departing minutes later.

“Obviously, Kevin just wants to see the fruits of his generous financial contributions in person every now and again,” said personal trainer Marc Kaiser. “It must be tough to constantly resist the temptation to enjoy any of the equipment himself, but that’s just the kind of everyday hero Kevin is.”

“Seeing someone place the needs of others before his own like that really gives me hope for the human race,” added Kaiser.