Trump’s Border Wall May Create Super-Mexicans


By Gus Tate

EL PASO, TX—Researchers at the Center for Infectious Immigration Control (CIIC) released a petition to President Trump today warning that his proposed “impenetrable” wall along the Mexican border may inadvertently create a race of wall-resistant “super-Mexicans” immune to physical barriers.

“Immigrants, like all forms of life, are constantly evolving,” said Dr. Michael Planck of the CIIC. “Strengthening our natural defenses might eradicate the weaker, less harmful Mexicans, but in doing so we’d also breed a new race of giant-sized, hyper-intelligent super-Mexicans, capable of not only scaling the wall easily but wreaking untold havoc once inside our fragile economy.”

According to Planck’s research, a single super-Mexican would be capable of performing the same unskilled labor as 20 human Americans, depending on the strain.

“Our system simply isn’t equipped to handle Mexicans of that size and earning potential,” added Planck, who estimates that as many as 30 ICE officers would be required to subdue and deport a single super-Mexican.

More than 120 prominent members of the scientific community signed the petition, urging President Trump to consider the potentially devastating side-effects of wall-based immigration policy.

“When walls were first discovered by immigration scientists in 1923, it was a huge step forward in the fight against harmful diversity,” said Prof. Gillian Eberhart, director of immunosociology at Purdue University. “But now, walls are being prescribed even for conditions as basic as common unemployment. This kind of wall abuse only makes immigrants stronger.”

“Science has never been Trump’s strong suit,” added Eberhart. “But he needs to realize that his ignorance is endangering the American species itself.”

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